Foolish Thoughts

Have you already given up hope for a fantasy football victory this week despite the Cowboys taking on the Eagles tonight?

If you are up against T.O., Tony Romo, Brian Westbrook or Donovan McNabb tonight with no chance to pull off a victory, you might be a victim of “Monday Nighting.”

Thanks to FantasyHumor.com for the video.

Hang in there, everyone I am playing this week. It’s not over yet. You might still pull of a victory even though it looks like I will win in four out of my five leagues this week.

Well, that just sucks. Thanks, Week 1. Today being Patriot Day just seems to be an even more depressing reminder of the losses in real life and our slightly much less important fantasy football losses.

If you were one of the lucky fantasy footballers who lost Tom Brady this past weekend, I assume I just caught you wallowing in your own self-pity, eating a cheeseburger off the floor between fits of crying, alcoholism and throwing Cheetos…

Don’t get up. I’ll squat down to your level.

You probably don’t even feel like waking up anymore. You thought you had this incredible season of fantasy football coming together — Tom Brady leading an UNSTOPPABLE fantasy force — but it’s all come crashing down. We should have known better when Bernard Pollard started dating Tonya Harding.

Another leaving us speechless “Dude” award has to go out to Matt Forte this week.

The rookie RB laid down a breakout performance in his first NFL start and had a long run against the Colts defense. Highlights in the video.

Something tells me that the smart jackasses people who grabbed Matt Forte late in their drafts may have more than just a bye week fill on their hands. Full disclosure: I own Matt Forte in one league.

Frankly, I am completely and utterly satisfied with sitting Ryan Grant this week for Matt Forte. Good work, buddy. Good work.

This game wasn’t quite the spectacular opening to the new stadium that the Colts had envisioned, but of course, I’m just guessing.

Oh, and the “Dude” award is for the 50-yard TD run — as if you didn’t know. Not quite as bruising as Brandon Jacobs, but the shake-and-bake is dirty in its own way.

Thank New York Giants running back Brandon Jacobs for our “Loss for Words Other Than…Dude” moment of the week. LaRon Landry was a brave man.

And if you are a fan of up close and personal…

Ouch. Just ouch.

Animated .GIFs via BigBlueInteractive.com The Corner Forum

UPDATE: Video now available:

If you weren’t quick with the answer to our ridiculously hard trivia question, you missed out on the contest for five free memberships to Pay The Fan that we gave away on Twitter, but you can still get in on our foolish Pay The Fan league if you go grab a discounted membership by Sunday.

See the details at the bottom of this article for how to make it happen. The winner of our league gets a $500 Best Buy Gift Card in addition to any $10,000 weekly or $250,000 season-long prizes you take home from Pay The Fan.

The first ten responses for our contest came in immediately after I twittered the question — had to use timestamps and Twitter’s chronological ranking to separate out the TRUE winners. The question was almost TOO easy.

Don’t even pretend you didn’t know — Brandon Marshall. I even hinted who it was going to be before I sent the question.

Fantasy football season is upon us!

*The people rejoice*  *Crowds cheer and applause*  *Small baby thrown in air*

Someone catch that baby! *Baby caught inside beer* YES!

The defending Super Bowl Champions, the New York Giants, face off against the Washington Redskins tonight. What will the lesser Manning of the mighty Mannings do?

More than likely, he’ll look a little rough around the edges since the Super Bowl win — especially if Jason Taylor gets in there for the Redskins. Eli Manning didn’t have a good showing last time he played the Redskins — and by not good, I mean worst completion percentage of the season bad. Starting off a new season and playing at home (where the Giants were iffy last year), you might find a better option to start rather than Manning.

Guys I like tonight

Brandon Jacobs: Unless Washington’s D steps up here, they’ve been looking like Swiss cheese in the preseason.

I discovered and, against my competitive instincts, shared The 5 Minute Drill last year during fantasy season. With Week 1 upon us, I might as well do it again.

The 5 Minute Drill offers a solid five minutes of comprehensive analysis and visual entertainment that can help you win your fantasy season.

Here’s 10 minutes of action, two episodes, that could help you beef up your team.

Although I usually find myself in agreement with The 5 Minute Drill guys, I still haven’t bumped Tony Scheffler down in my TE rankings.

I want to believe that Scheffler and Eddie Royal will be the beneficiaries of Brandon Marshall’s Week 1 suspension. Now that Oakland has two of the best corners in the game, could it be Scheffler that reels them in for Jay Cutler Week 1? I’m still starting him.

UPDATE: Contest tweet going out at 2 p.m. (Central) on Tuesday, Sept. 2. Follow me now!

Think you’re ready to step your fantasy football game up to the next level? Want to try to best the Fools in a friendly fantasy football competition? Do you REALLY think you’re smarter than a fifth grader?

Well, I made it past the fifth grade on the second try, pal. Get ready for a challenge!

If you’ve mastered the art of playing for free and playing with your fantasy football buddies, you’re bound to be looking for a greater competition. Short of wrestling a bear out in the wilderness — exhilarating, I’m telling you — you’re only going to get your knuckles white again by putting a little more on the line than your anonymous Internet pride. You won’t lose any fingers, but the prizes can be insanely huge — like move out of Mom’s basement huge.