The Football Fan’s Manifesto: A Foolish Book Review

When it comes to product reviews and book reviews in particular, I’ve been pretty bad about getting to them in a timely manner. Exhibit A: This review. I read plenty…online, but this review required me to put down the laptop and pick up a book this offseason. I have to say that it was worth it.

If you’re going to play in the big leagues, you better know the ropes…or carry a very large, very scary stick around with you at all times. Michael Tunison knows what he is doing, and he has taken the time to share his wealth of knowledge with the world.

In The Football Fan’s Manifesto, Tunison tells it like it is. A literal “survival guide” of NFL stadiums and fantasy football drafts, his book even suggests a trial by fire for any potential wife. Take notes. And if you try it, please tell me. I feel like that would be entertaining.

Section by section, the manifesto takes you through the ropes of being an NFL fan: how to pick a favorite team, how to represent that team to the best of your ability, how to find a husband/wife who will also cheer for that team, and how to attend and survive a football game. It’s really everything you ever needed to know about football…and life.

My favorite section defined the most popular (and worthless) football clichés and explained how to make use of them in your everyday life. At the end of the day, it is what it is. It looks like Tunison is just having fun out there, running downhill and imposing his will on his readers. See what I did there?

I enjoy reading Tunison’s work on Kissing Suzy Kolber on a regular basis, so The Football Fan’s Manifesto wasn’t far off the reservation for me. Tunison keeps some of the same jokes rolling that are frequent on KSK, but do not fear, non-KSKers. If you are a football fan at heart, you’ll probably like this book. Just be aware that actually doing everything this book recommends could easily get you arrested, divorced and/or deported. At the very least, you’ll find out what it’s like to be on The No Fly List.

In just over 300 pages, Tunison manages to insult every NFL franchise, teach you how to trash talk and walk you through your first marriage (and, more than likely, divorce). It’s a respectable way to fill the lull between now and the first kickoff of football season.

As Will Leitch, author and founder of Deadspin, described it, “If you think football is the only thing that matters on Earth, this is your book.”

If you’ve read The Football Fan’s Manifesto, feel free to share your own review in the comments below.