No, I will not explain how you can get those Cheetos stains out of your Brett Favre jersey or my secret family salsa recipe.
I’m cleaning out the old email inbox and getting ready for fantasy football season, and so it’s time to tell you about everything that I have been hoarding for myself.
I’ll omit the death threats because they’re all from David Carr, and I also won’t be able to post any of the pictures that the stalkers sent. Sorry, Prisoner No. 1992827.
Win a T-Shirt from the Jabber
I know you are sitting there–shirtless and alone–just wishing that someone would send you a t-shirt. The Football Jabber himself promises he will be forever in my debt if I send some hot forum action his way.
Jabber has the details for all interested parties, but to sum it up, make 50 posts or have some friends register and make 50 posts in the Jabber forums by the kickoff of the NFL regular season for a chance to win the NFL or NCAA team t-shirt of your choice.
That’s right. A t-shirt just for talking to someone other than your mom–unless your mom is in the Football Jabber forums. Maybe you should send her an invite. It’s a win-win contest because the Jabber forums do a whole lot of fantasy football…jabbering. Don’t take my word for it. You’re the one sitting there shirtless.
Please note that there’s going to be a deduction of 100 fantasy football points each week to any person who wins a shirt and selects a “Jet Favre” t-shirt to be sent their way. Unless you ARE Favre. Then it’s expected.
Drunken Trash-talkin’ Makes Gets You a Tool
If you are over 21 and, obviously, too hungover to be doing anything cooler than perusing the Internet right now, Redhook is throwing out some prizes to fantasy football fans.
If you follow me on twitter, you got a chance to enter the sweepstakes. If not, you can still get a toolbox fridge for trash talking. <Insert tool joke here. I’m saving all my good ones for the trash talk contest.>
Beginning Aug. 8, players can visit an enhanced version of www.RedhookFantasyFootball.com to send professionally crafted trash talk e-cards, upload videos of their own clever trash talk quips or show off footage from their draft day parties.
“With fantasy football season fast approaching, we thought it was a great time to combine two things guys love: great beer and talking about football,” said Erin Crum, brand manager for Redhook Ale Brewery. “We created this draft day contest and Web site just for you, fantasy football player, as a way to redeem yourself after your number-one pick blows out a knee in preseason and you fumble all those snaps playing a friendly game of touch football.”
You’ll soon be able to post a video and show all your buddies and strangers how brutal you can be on the fantasy football battlefield. It doesn’t let you submit a video just yet, but get one ready to upload. Feel free to post any practice runs in the comments.
Let’s hope that Erin’s bold claim on your No. 1 pick’s life only comes true if you draft Adrian Peterson over LaDainian Tomlinson this year. Seriously. Just don’t.
Vegas, Rice, Jackets and $$$
I am sure I just caught you wondering what Jerry Rice has been up to these days. I was wondering when he was going to start demanding that he be paid not to return to the NFL.
With combined prize money of nearly $2 million, the inaugural FFOC will provide the richest payout in fantasy football history in an effort to find the best player in the world.
Not that I am going to tell them now that they offered up that kind of money, but if they were looking for me, all they had to do was ask.
Jerry Rice’s got sort of a creepy Uncle Fester look to him on the FFOC site, but he could be overseeing your quest for millions this football season if you want to put the entry fee on the line. Serious fantasy football players will put money up for the chance to win millions and a jacket that you will constantly have to explain to people…while feeling awesome.
That sums up the email grab bag of fun and freebies for now. If any more pop up that are giving away some great prizes, I’ll post them up when I get a chance. Follow me on Twitter if you want to catch ‘em early, or subscribe to receive updates from Fantasy Football Fools.